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Joke of the Day

"And I really love chocolate... I'm like a chocoholic, but for booze."

"TWITTER REHAB IS GOING GOOD YOU GUYS I GOT A NEW FRIEND HE HAS SPECIAL SUGAR AND IT'S AWESOME AND MY YARD HAS 3,957,268 BLADES OF GRASS!!!!"

"As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don't like people."

"What do you call a former CIA agent when a winter storm hits? Snowed-in"

"I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?"

"So I said to this sloth, ""listen here buddy.."" Before i could finish he interrupted me and shouted""Woah, woah! Slow down!"""

"Dude, multiplication is like advanced adding."

"[at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building"

"What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? Wow!! Donut seeds!!!!"

"It started snowing so everyone ran over to the window to see. I went and banged their heads against the window. Most fun I've had all day."