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Joke of the Day

"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."" -- The Swiss Army"

"If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time."

"Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California? Because they, like, can't even deal."

"The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant"

"What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly? A receding hareline"

"What do you say when you see a rainbow colored seacow O the hue manatee"

"What do you call it when an Eskimo makes a dirty joke? Inuit-endo"

"I just opened up Microsoft Edge... Now I can download Google Chrome in style."

"I got told at church last Sunday that I should love my neighbour as I love myself. He wasn't very happy when I tried to wank him off."

"Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don't catch slurpees."