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Joke of the Day

"Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence."

"*forgets to talk to friends for 4 weeks*"

"I asked my mom to tell me a joke... ""Your love life"" wasn't the response I was looking for."

"My friend collects scoliosis journals He has *back* issues."

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? Wheres my tractor!"

"How do you call a homosexual with a boner? Homo Erectus"

"Rules are like a penis You can bend it as much as you want, but if you break it, you're fucked."

"Here lies IcarusIsNotLonely, upon his gravestone lie his last words: ""Oh fuck, a car!"""

"Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is."

"""You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself"" ~ 5th Amendment, understood by nobody onTwitter."