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Joke of the Day

"The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is.. I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication."

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free"

"There are only 10 type of people in this world... Those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look"

"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"A seal walks in to a club... haha"

"A vegan, a crossfitter, and an atheist are sitting in a bar. But you wouldnt know it, thanks to the Texan telling you all about Texas"

"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."

"My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall... ... I said maybe..."

"If I ran the world, I would enforce a police state where everyone would have to weigh-in before being allowed to order food."