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Joke of the Day

"I bet you're the asshole that says ""we"" when talking about your favorite sports team like you're on the actual roster."

"When do you care for a man's company? ""When he owns it."""

"Naming my favorite books is like choosing which of my kids I love more! In that I have a full list right here, do you have a pencil ready"

"As you get older dating becomes a lot like Musical Chairs. The music stops, everyone sits down and you're left with the last idiot standing."

"How do you LOL in N. Korea? ROR! No one raugh in North Korea!"

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? The pilot. ^^^^^You ^^^^^racist ^^^^^fuck."

"Use chemicals to remove polish, and no one blinks an eye... Use chemicals to remove the Polish and everyone loses their minds."

"""It's terminal-"" GOD! HOW LONG DO I HAVE? ""Departure time is in three hours."" THREE? WHAT DO I DO? ""This is an airport."" SO WHAT? I'M DYING!"

"What does Tupperware and a sealion have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"The rich need it, the homeless has it and if you eat you'll die. Answear: Nothing! The rich don't need anything, the homeless has nothing and if you eat nothing you'll die."