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Joke of the Day

"I should try my hand at high stakes poker because I'm pretty good at keeping a straight face when knowingly using an expired coupon."

"Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks"

"Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there."

"Just found out men don't need prostate exams till at least 40. I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do."

"God made Heaven and Earth The rest made in China"

"I'm scared that the mob is looking for me I've been getting a lot of emails from Don Otreply about bill payments."

"Deck the halls. Kick the windows. Strike the doors. Pummel the chandeliers. Clog the toilets. You will defeat this house."

"I'm with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don't find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can't believe this what you guys eat in Africa!"

"I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/"

"What does Monica and Hillary have in common? They don't fuck Bill anymore."