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Joke of the Day

"I'm scared that the mob is looking for me I've been getting a lot of emails from Don Otreply about bill payments."

"How is Ellen Pao so good at driving Reddit into the ground? I thought Asian women couldn't drive &#3232;_&#3232;"

"CHRISTMAS TIP: When your kid starts asking questions about whether Santa is real, just tell him to shut up."

"*rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*"

"[NSFW] Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails make?"

"I can't handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!"

"Home made honey mustard ! I have a beehive full of bees trained to eat mustard ... and that is what comes out !"

"Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar.... I said, is that a fret?"

"Why was the bull popular with all the cows? Because he was smooooooooth"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Bullet? The Bullet leaves the chamber. Courtesy of my comrade Ivo"