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Joke of the Day

"I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/"

"I'd like to thank automatic flushing toilets For making people think I'm giving them 2 or 3 courtesy flushes"

"Why didn't Hitler get an A on the math exam? He didn't complete the final solution. I wrote that in my sleep."

"What instrument does Mother Earth play? The Qatar."

"Why did hitler suicide? Because he saw the gas expense"

"I told my toilet to go eat shit... I probably shouldn't have said that because he got all flushed."

"How do trees use the Internet? They log on"

"A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... ... and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, ""Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"""

"The emailer who threatened LA schools claims to be ""a Muslim extremist."" That's like a student signing his report card ""Timmy's Dad."""

"Your an idiot. -You're. What? -You're not your. But I said it. I didn't type it. We're talking. -Yeah but I heard the typo. You're an idiot."