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Joke of the Day

"Why can't the shepherd remember how many he had sex with? --- he keeps falling asleep when he counts them."

"have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car"

"Sorry I was asleep when you texted me and just woke up when we ran into each other just now"

"A guy at the DIY store asked if I wanted decking... ...fortunately I managed to get the first punch in."

"What did the Chinaman cleaning the rotisserie say to the crestfallen window shopper? No Peking!"

"I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours."

"If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends"

"cops shutting down my giant SLIP N' SLIDE again because the traffic on the highway needs to get around us I guess"

"I couldn't figure out why someone was brushing their teeth out here at work, then it hit me... My wife always brushes after sucking cock too!"

"Boy asks Girl.... Boy: Will you marry me? *girl slaps him* Girl: What did you say? *boy gets up and and slaps her twice* Boy: If you didn't hear what I said, then why did you slap me?"