227592

Joke of the Day

"I feel that jokes about basements are beneath me... ...but I won't tell you a joke about roofs because it'll go over your head."

"Ugh, I just finished eating at a restuarant, and some patronizing waitress kept asking if I wanted another shaker! It was so insalting!"

"What's the difference between an oral and anal thermometer? The taste"

"Sometimes I take my pet skunk to department stores and let him spray himself all over the perfume girls."

"[taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."

"What did the bacon say to the sandwich? This club can't even handle me right now"

"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"[NSFW] Why are gay men sometimes referred to as ""butt pirates?"" Cause they love plundering booty."

"Fun fact: if you say ""I did the math,"" nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves."

"Women used to always call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make. Now they call me ugly and poor."