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Joke of the Day

"[taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."

"What mouse has two legs? Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs?"

"I just turned 50 today and it's official , my balls are longer than my pecker."

"Found out the difference between onions and men. I don't cry when I'm chopping up men."

"""He's no longer updating iTunes."" - A very modern way of saying someone died"

"Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month"

"My wife doesn't like me to shave my face for the same reason I like her to shave her pussy She says it makes me look like a 12 year old."

"Very sick man asks the doctor, ""how long do I have?"" The doctor replies ""10."" ""10? 10 years? 10 months? 10 what?"" ""9...8...7..."""

"It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow. Monday."

"Yo Mamma is So Fat..... when she moons people, they turn into werewolves....."