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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a psychiatrists office... ...wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts""."

"What do you call a French cow that grows sprouts instead of fur? Chia LaBeouf"

"I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face."

"What does a transvestite do on Christmas? Eat, drink and be Mary"

"Good thing ""you only live once"" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal"

"Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*"

"I got caught peeing in the pool the other day The lifeguard yelled at me so loud that I almost fell in."

"Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours."

"Make like a tree and... Make like a tree and use photosynthesis to turn sunlight into energy and use that energy to go and fuck off"

"What is an obstetrician's favorite part of the ocean? It's the sea section."