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Joke of the Day

"Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours."

"Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?... Anyway, my sister in law just caught me masturbating."

"So I went around to a friends house... And on his mantle was a bronze statue of an animal butt. When I asked him about it he said it was a catastrophe."

"[end of interview] Any questions for me? Yes. Why didn't the glass slipper also disappear at midnight? YOU ARE SO HIRED."

"I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast... You can say I'm lack toast intolerant I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out"

"A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes..."

"Sometimes cops don't believe it when I explain that my mom's dying wish was to keep her cremated ashes inside a bag of blow in my glove box."

"Where does the thick, creamy dressing go when it gets sick? The Mayo Clinic."

"Did you know that a famous DJ has a dirty fetish? Because there is an Armin van Buuren"

"If I was a coach, time outs would be awkward silences ending with, ""So, any good YouTube stuff?"""