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Joke of the Day

"Romans were rich, Romans had feasts! But for the love of god stay away from their priests!"

"When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered."

"As a child I had difficulty putting things down It's a habit I can't seem to let go."

"I smoked before going to the dentist & didn't know they would let me have laughing gas &watch Netflix Im cross faded af having the best time"

"why do they call it an owl? because when you see it you turn your head 270 degrees and fly away"

"There are probably fewer bees around now because a lot of them are still in prison for murdering Macaulay Culkin in My Girl"

"Who is the most basic Spice Girl? Pumpkin Spice."

"I am now on three dating sites because you can never get enough rejection."

"a toast to wives...girlfriends and lovers... may they never meet..."

"Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning."