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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? Michael Phelps can finish a race."

"Drunk Guy Guy: Dude I Wasn't That Drunk, Friend:Dude U Were WAtching TV And Laugh, Guy: Sooo -_-, Friend : The TV Wasn't On"

"It's ironic how the people that take a picture of themself in the mirror can't see how stupid they look."

"Coining Money. George Washington: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money. Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that? Yoda: Yep"

"What do you call an Argentinian victim of grand theft auto? Carlos"

"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."

"Why can't the T-Rex clap it's hands? Because it's extinct."

"Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Eh nevermind, I'll just skip it."

"What do you call Batman when he skips Church? Christian Bale."

"[graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great"