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Joke of the Day

"Doctor doctor people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch face down."

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!"

"I was talking to a man today. He told me his name, ""**B**ernie **A**llen **D**avies."" My **initial** thought was that he was a **BAD** guy!"

"What is the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer came back"

"I was constipated once... ...nowhere near as shitty as diharea tho..."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches, a peeping tom watches snatches."

"What does a Ferrari and poverty have in common? Princess Diana can't stop either"

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it! \- George Carlin"