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Joke of the Day

"Why do people love their smartphones so much? Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)"

"I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early She told me to use the back door and to be quick. I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that."

"Donald Trump in a submarine Soldier "" Sir! The enemy is attacking, we're under fire!"" Trump ""relax soldier... We're under water..."""

"Why didn't you come to the halloween party? I was at the Halloween party as a ninja. ""But I didn't see you there."" ""Exactly."""

"""Muffintop"" doesn't adequately describe what this girl has hanging over her jeans. I think ""layer cake"" would be the more accurate term."

"You need a woman whose last name doesn't end in .jpg, .wmv, or .mpg"

"My mate died from a bad case of heartburn I can't believe Gaviscone."

"You've reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message. ""Hi it's the library. The book 'How to Steal Library Books' is now 1 week over...UH OH"""

"Technically all panties are edible if you're ambitious enough."

"I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it's like there's just no reward for laziness."