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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump in a submarine Soldier "" Sir! The enemy is attacking, we're under fire!"" Trump ""relax soldier... We're under water..."""

"ME (pulling wishbone): I won WIFE: what'd u wish for? M: uh world peace W: Nice *human-sized bacon strip walks into kitchen* Hey, what's up?"

"If your watch is broken why can't you go fishing? Because you don't have the time."

"Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper It was very ex-citing"

"A man walks into a bar.. A man walks into a bar and says: ""Hey bartender! I fucked your mum last night!"" The bartender looks up and replies: ""Fuck off dad, I'm working."""

"Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans."

"People who call the Bible a fairy tale forget that in fairy tales everyone lives happily ever after."

"For Star Wars and Star Trek fans A stormtrooper and a red shirt are in a room. The stormtrooper shoots the red shirt, but misses every shot. The red shirt dies anyway."

"Figured out how to jailbreak my dog and now I'm running all the cool cat apps on him - watching him go nuts on a piece of string right now"

"""Give it to me"", she screamed ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now"" ""Fuck off"", I said ""this is my umbrella"""