131167

Joke of the Day

"I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it's like there's just no reward for laziness."

Next Joke
 
"I like my women like I like my coffee Stuffed into a bag. Slung over the side of a mule. And brought to me by Juan Valdez."
"Allstate just sent me a safe driver bonus check for 73 cents so I guess good things do happen to good people."
"[Starbucks] Excuse me, this isn't what I ordered. ""You ordered a Grande."" Yes, but this is Ariana Grande. ""Sir, please just take her."""
"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes... *WHACK*...""Dang it!"" And the other goes... ""Dang it!""...*WHACK*"
"I'm giving up negativity for lent. We'll see how long that lasts. Edit: aware it should be pessimism. This is a serious quote from a friend who didn't realise what she'd said."
"Ronda Rouseys next fight has been announced! Ronda Rousey V. Crippling Depression"
"News: German diver receives a 0.0 score. Apparently, Olympic judges don't appreciate cannon balls."
"Genie: Sure about this? Me: C'mon do it Genie: It's your last wis- Me: I WANNA BE RICH Genie: Alakazam! Hi Rich, I'm Genie"
"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"
Terms & Privacy