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Joke of the Day

"I've been working really hard on controlling my alcoholism I can't remember the last time I blacked out."

"What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry ? An aero-drone !"

"Who were the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 2 minutes."

"My wife said she's had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up. So I just packed my bags and right."

"A cheerleader gets up in front of me and says ""2, 4, 6, 8..."" I was like ""don't even!"""

"What do you get when you cross an octopus and a Mexican? I don't know but it can pick the shit out of some lettuce."

"Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays. Then again, very few people cut their own hair."

"Neil deGrasse Tyson walks into a bar. Everyone leaves. ""EVERYONE?"" he chuckles to himself. ""7.4 billion humans couldn't fit in this space."""

"[Doctor's Office] Doctor: The bad news is you have 3 months to live. Me: What's the good news? Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week"

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they would just beat the room for being dark."