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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes"

"What Reddit taught me... If I'm doing that too much, I should do it again after 51 seconds."

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"

"I'm going to grab 'em by the pussy. Don't downvote me!! I'm being ""presidential"""

"Dear Workaholics who browse reddit - how do you manage your time so well?"

"Why didn't the President fight with the chair? Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists."

"Why did the duck cross the basketball court? He heard the referees were blowing fouls... -Jim Norton"

"She is such a hoe that she doesn't have boyfriends.. ...she has daily active users."

"Did you hear about the dumb woman who had... Did you hear about the woman who had two chances to get Pregnant? She blew them both..."

"I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew."