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Joke of the Day
"pull my upvote"
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"One does not simply talk to their pet in a normal voice....no they don't, oh no they don't."
"why is rain the best kind of music? because it has amazing drops."
"*knock knock* ""Who's there?"" *knock knock ""I said, 'Who's there?'"" *knock knock ""......Hello?"" ......*doorknob jiggles ""The fuck?!"""
"So a girl once asked me... ""Hey wanna come over? Nobody will be home."" So I came over. And nobody was home."
"Can't decide whether to go to bed or to finish this Rubik's cube I started in 1988."
"Me: Hi, what's a good school binder for my 10yo girl here? Clerk: Trapper Keeper? Me: Haha, no, she's my own daughter."
"I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM BECAUSE MY WIFE IS DRIVING WITHOUT HER GLASSES ON AGAIN!!"
"What kind of yogurt does a skeleton eat? Actibia."
"Double limb transplants are so expensive They cost an arm and leg"