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Joke of the Day

"Hey, hip hop artists. Would it kill you to throw in a few rhymes about raisin toast or farmers' markets?"

"Can I call you? Crush: Yes Errm, I called but you didn't pick Crush: I said you could call, I never said I'd pick up"

"I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision"

"My friend went to a salon and asked them to straighten his hair. So they took out his highlights."

"What's sad about three black guys driving over a cliff in a Cadillac? They were my friends :("

"What did the doctor say to the rude patient who was reluctant to get stitches from him? ""Fine, suture yourself."""

"So my girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I put her in a castle and sent some Italian plummer to find her."

"My brother's now ok with me calling him retarded. All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded."

"So I went to my Dr. and said I needed something for my joints... He handed me a lighter"

"AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world Really! I'm Sirius!"