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Joke of the Day

"In 1993, I saw a toddler slip on ice and land on a cat, but I didn't have any social media outlet to tell people about it. So, here it is."

"My doctor told me I needed to see a rheumatologist... I told him that's a strange way to say interior designer."

"To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out."

"I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before."

"What did Hitler say when he didn't receive enough change from the cashier? ""This is neinsense!!"""

"I was out shopping today; guess who asked about you?! Nobody."

"Why do virgins never stand still? They are used to being chaste."

"The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke*"

"Do what you love and you'll never work a day of your life... Thats why I got a degree in gender studies"

"Are these my brains? A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet!' she replied!"