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Joke of the Day

"The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke*"

"My girlfriend told me that I am immature and need to grow up Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore"

"""You could have done so much better than him."" Me: Mom, I'm right here."

"I hope the next Adam Sandler movie has a wacky grandpa who uses ""bae"" all the time so you guys will stop thinking its funny"

"I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear."

"For the last time, I don't have any secret prison camps. Anyone who doesn't believe me will be sent to a secret prison camp."

"What is flat, at the center of the universe, and warming?"

"What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender."

"Praying: It's like wanting to help without actually having to help"

"Did you hear Bruce Jenner was in a car accident? He was unhurt but his tranny was damaged."