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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me I needed to see a rheumatologist... I told him that's a strange way to say interior designer."

"What will the Easter Bunny be doing after Easter? One to three for breaking and entering."

"""Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN'T eat chocolate. It'll kill them."" - God inventing dogs."

"TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg."

"What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony"

"So I heard they've discontinued the Xbox 360... I guess it's an ex-box now."

"""Dad, I'm suicidal."" ""Hi suicidal, I'm dad."""

"[at sheep farm] Me: So how do you get steel wool? Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep Me: huh? *sheep walks by with Slayer shirt"

"My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said ""are you going to put it up yourself?"" Mom says ""no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"""

"If you love something keep it in the refrigerator, keep it fresh, that thing you love is a lot like mayonnaise."