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Joke of the Day

"Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back."

"How many Environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter, they will never change a thing."

"What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van."

"what did one typewriter say to the other? I must be pregnant ... I missed a period ..."

"[right after my lie detector test] -Make sure that machine shows I've had plenty of the sex ""Sir that's not what it does- -I SAID MAKE SURE"

"If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them."

"Parachute for sale Used once Never opened Small stain"

"Six U.S congress men die and go to heaven."

"I decided to have scrambled eggs this morning... Immediately after thinking ""I'll just flip this omelette."""