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Joke of the Day

"If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them."

"Username goes to the store. He buys three oranges and goes to the till. Username checks out."

"""These diet pills better work,"" I say to myself as I wash them down with a chocolate milkshake."

"Women don't know what they want. Men don't know what they have."

"Who sews really really fast? Tailor Swift"

"My great grandfather died in a concentration camp. He fell out of the guard tower."

"If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral."

"Soliciting a blowjob is illegal. Soliciting a blowjob is illegal, but betting a whore $50 she can't swallow your cum isn't."

"""That'll be $147,382."" - The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air."

"What do you call a criminal jazz player? Felonius Monk!"