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Joke of the Day

"[right after my lie detector test] -Make sure that machine shows I've had plenty of the sex ""Sir that's not what it does- -I SAID MAKE SURE"

"Did you hear about the Puerto Rican secretary who was getting so experienced she could type twenty mistakes a minute?"

"What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL? Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants."

"Girls on Facebook call it, ""The Walk of Shame."" Girls on Twitter call it, ""The Strut of Satisfaction"""

"When I die I want my body to be donated to science ...but more specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life."

"911: Whats ur emergency? ""OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-"" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- ""-of my sons mouth."""

"Why do French bakers listen to death metal? Because all they touch is pain."

"I love my church more than Dairy Queen, Cause we truly had rockin Sundays."

"What's got 8 feet and 10 shoes? The McCann Family."

"If you smoke a lot of cigarettes & gaze out of a window while your foot is propped up on something you can figure out pretty much anything."