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Joke of the Day

"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"

"No one laughed at my joke I wrote on the wall of the toilet stall... I guess I need to work on my toilet humor."

"If a lady ever jumped out of my cake goddamnit she better be holding more cake"

"One day my kid will ask me why he's half human and half final exam"

"I tried to donate a kidney once... ...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it."

"It was so cold out... I was cold out today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets."

"How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?"

"A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say ""I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"""

"Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks."

"Donald Duck has been hanged... ...And is now in a state of suspended animation."