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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate it when... you spend thirty minutes searching for a video, only to close it two minutes later."

"The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a? small medium at large."

"ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: ""she's nuts. This guy rules*"

"You heard about Pluto? That's messed up, right?"

"You remind me of my pinky toe. You're small, cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on the coffee table later tonight"

"My mate Dave's just got back from his third tour of Afghanistan. Hardest bloody bus driver I know."

"[knocks on neighbor's door] HI CAN I COME TO YOUR YELLING PARTY"

"There's a new terrorist group targeting gorillas It's called Boko Harambe"

"What does an LGBT orthodontist make most of his money off of ? bruces"

"I wanna see Le Pan Quotidien fight Au Bon Pain in a pretentious chain restaurant cage match & the winner gets to fight Pret-a-Manger."