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Joke of the Day

"ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: ""she's nuts. This guy rules*"

"If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it ""breakfast""?"

"Great Barrier Reef is 'almost dead', say scientists It is officially being downgraded to a ""Good Barrier Reef""."

"You know how horny the Romans were back then? For fuck's sake, they even nailed Jesus!"

"Mew and Mewtwo are both on a slanted roof. Who falls first? Neither. They can both levitate."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They can go through 110 stories in five seconds."

"Is this one haunted? ""No"" What about that one? ""Ma'am, none of the booze is haunted"" What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!"

"The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him."

"What's a buffalo's favorite activity? Grazing."

"Wooden leg. My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""