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Joke of the Day

"I have sex almost every night! Almost Monday night, almost Tuesday night..."

"My girlfriend's car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there."

"Dear Santa , before I try to explain, just how much do you already know?"

"What do bears take at raves? Maully."

"I have now lived in New York long enough that I can eat a meal while running at full speed."

"I have a job crushing pop cans. It's soda pressing."

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she reaches 69 she gets a frog in her throat."

"Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* ""What happened?!"" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a DM."

"Sadly, my day requires pants."