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Joke of the Day

"Dad got me the other day... Me: I can't sleep... I'm just going to stay up for a bit... Dad: What do you mean you can't sleep? It's so easy I could do it with my eyes close! Me: *walks away*"

"My favourite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog."

"How do they package bread at the bakery? They baguette."

"What planet smells the worst? Poopiter. This joke courtesy of my 7 year old son. He was very proud of it."

"The hardest thing about working in a restaurant is that your throat is always dry from spitting in everyone's food."

"What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border? A Mexi*can't*"

"I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question ""How do you pronounce quinoa?"" [it's just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another"

"Calculus derives me crazy!!"

"[makes eye contact with someone through crack in bathroom stall] hey"

"My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, ""You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"" I thought, ""Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."""