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Joke of the Day

"Boss: Are you done with those reports yet? Me: Can you stop hovering over me? Boss: Sorry [turns off jetpack] Me: Much better."

"I hope this new health care bill also includes every American's right to a lollipop after leaving the doctor."

"I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography"

"Did you hear about the new nightclub that opened called ""Erectile Dysfunction""? No? I'm not surprised; it was a complete flop. Nobody came."

"Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII. Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken."

"I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon."

"I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed."

"What's black yellow and covered in blackberries ? A bramble bee !"

"Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car"

"Shopping for houses, it seems like a lot of the houses in my price range need some TLC... But I don't want no scrubs."