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Joke of the Day

"Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car"

"Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch... One turns to the other and says, ""I say old boy, have you read marx?"" The other says, ""Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."""

"THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S ""FU*CK THE POLICE"" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE"

"The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it."

"Masturbation is an excellent skill to have. Done right, it sure comes in handy."

"what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? the taste."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic atheistic insomniac? He lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"Who is the scariest hobbit? Lorena"

"How does a butcher introduce his wife to his friends? ""Meet Patty"""

"I like my wine like I like my women Stored in a dark basement till they're 5 years old"