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Joke of the Day

"The average person swallows over 4,000 spiders each year. More than that. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands of spiders. It's crazy."

"Knock Knock.... Whose there... Fuck you."

"My aunt found a lump below her left breast recently. It was my penis."

"Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it."

"I'll tell you what's wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore."

"""Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"" ""Yeah sure"" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away* ""Hey kid...catch"" *kid turns around to see incoming plane*"

"When my girlfriend told me the news, I pushed her out of a thirty-story building. She fell pregnant."

"What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment."

"This show 2 broke girls"

"Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn't even been able to figure out in 200 years?"