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Joke of the Day
"Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar Unfortunately, one was a salted"
Next Joke
"Why do they call chicken wings, chicken wings? Cuz they go flyin' out of your butt after you eat them!"
"To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony"
"Whenever I'm naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on."
"[at ultrasound] Nurse: there it is. There's your baby Me visibly relieved: oh Jesus thank u Wife whispering to nurse: he thought it was bees"
"My new girlfriend says a small penis doesn't bother her... ... but I wish she wouldn't have one at all."
"If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son's dating a scientologist"
"My approach to women is the same as my approach to code Object Oriented"
"Hoe do you call a dog that likes to be on the internet. A Labragoogle."
"I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day. Apparently the prostate isn't considered ""deep tissue."""