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Joke of the Day

"""Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor""- John joyfully sings as he walks off with the 'Caution: wet floor' sign"

"Newtonian physics are a good approximation for big objects that move slowly Like your mom"

"""You made your bed now lay in it"" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts"

"My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven. Just how I was raised."

"TIL The queen bee has sex with up to 40 males per day. Just like your mom."

"Kids these days sure do love taking pictures of mirrors."

"Doing squats. And by that I mean I'm in the squat position. But really the couch is holding me up. I'm sitting on the couch."

"I'm sorry I tried to steal your baby, but my kids don't smell good anymore."

"What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway? Through the windshield"

"Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours."