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Joke of the Day

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"*makes typo* *deletes tweet* *deletes twitter* *deletes life*"

"Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me."

"Why was the car naked? It was missing a tire."

"When going through TSA inspection at the airport, there's no telling how long it will take... ... All belts are off ."

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks."

"Good friends are just like snowballs. They go away if you pee on them."

"I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex."

"Schrodinger: How's my cat, Doc? Vet: I have good news and bad news.."

"The little old woman who lived in a shoe... ...wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached."