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Joke of the Day

"I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!"

"I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, ""dang, someone's already got the murdering covered here"""

"I know 3 jokes about cheese... But none of them are as gouda 'dis one."

"How do you please all the people? Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!"

"Wanna Know SomeThing Funny? My Amount Of Karma."

"What do you call a man with no arms? Anything you want. He is 'armless"

"What do you call it when a criminal goes down an elevator? A con descending."

"Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years"

"How are a punchline and a dick similar? they only bring a smile if used properly."

"So Abraham Lincoln walks into a bar... ...and says, ""I'll have a shot."" Did I just make up a new lame joke, or has this been done before? I think I need to sleep."