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Joke of the Day

"""well i asked asked her to move in after 3 months but i don't think-"" [cop interrupts me] do you know how fast you were going IN YOUR CAR"

"A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off."

"So I ask my local librarian... If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not."

"What's the most boring cut of meat? Filet minYAWN"

"The Dalai Lama enters a Pizza Shop and asks Can you make me one with everything?"

"What is a 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period."

"I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app."

"Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, ""doesn't your family miss you?"""

"How is being a pimp like being a farmer? You get some hoes and they get dough for you."

"In 1969 we put a man on the moon... In 2016 we put a man in the ladies restroom."