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Joke of the Day

"They call me the pussy destroyer. I run the best Asian restaurant around."

"*Eating mini Reese's cups* 5&7: Mommy what are you eating? M: Dog poop."

"A Jewish kid asks his father for sixty dollars. The father replies ""FIFTY DOLLARS??? What the heck to do you need forty dollars for??"""

"Great Gatsby (2013), Wolf of Wallstreet (2013), Django Unchained (2012): Leonardo DiCaprio is rich and screams at people"

"Me: Wow, you're glowing. Her: Aaaaww, thank you! Me: No, like radioactive... Her: . . . Me: Tone down the filters?"

"What did the mathematician use to kill himself? An hypotenuse."

"""Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : ""Hi taxi"""

"What did Pythagoras say about the pyramid scheme? He just couldn't find the guys angle!"

"I think it's a shame that young people today no longer even know why we celebrate Halloween. None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn't slain that fucking giant pumpkin."

"Why can you ran thourgh a campground but not run through a campground? Because it's past tents"