224630

Joke of the Day

"I sharpened all my kitchen knives today. Now I can't help but slice everything as if I'm in an infomercial."

"I can't take movies seriously if the main characters aren't stopping to Instagram their meals and Tweet out the chase scenes."

"Two more nuns Two nuns in a bath. First one says ""where's the soap?"" Second nun says ""yeah, it does doesn't it."""

"WHAT ARE THOSE???? /u/doubledickdude - They're my cocks."

"What's gray and comes in quarts? Elephants"

"Why did Hitler's Bed'n Breakfast fail? The only thing he served for breakfast was concentrated juice."

"I got my kid a cat as a present, but it died before X-mas... Now I'm stuck taking care of a cat"

"What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon."

"did you know you can tell how much a girl likes you by the position of their feet Chances are if her feet are next to her ears she really likes you."

"I was bullied in high school by the X men. No, not the group of crime fighting mutants, but a bunch of transgender females who were better at sports than I was."