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Joke of the Day

"Why did Hitler's Bed'n Breakfast fail? The only thing he served for breakfast was concentrated juice."

"I like to lie down on the top of a hill, then tumble down to the bottom. That's just the way I roll."

"Never date an apostrophe... they can be possessive."

"*rolls out of bed* *rolls into other strategically placed bed* ""Nice."""

"Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back."

"Why were they called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights! Credit: watching Mr. D on Netflix"

"My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they aren't married and I told him yes, but I honestly don't know."

"The first rule of dad club is shut the goddamn door on your way in, we're not trying to heat the whole outdoors here."

"At Dairy Queen: Me: Medium Heath Blizzard please. DQ: You wanna spoon? Me: Sure, when do you get off?"

"Kids are like farts The only ones you can stand are your own."