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Joke of the Day

"The past, present, and future walk in to a bar... It was pretty tense."

"Can you spell eighty in two letters? A-T."

"Some men are born to greatness. Some have greatness thrust upon them. Me? I like waffles."

"What's it like being frozen to absolute zero? It's 0K."

"Today I saw a guy driving around with upward of 10 parking tickets on his windshield. Now what were you saying about not giving a fuck?"

"Why did the cactus cross the road? It got stuck to the chicken."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"I have to wonder why we have ""non-essential"" government employees in the first place."

"What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi."

"I grew up to some pretty merciless parents... ""Daddy, daddy, I think I have constipation!"" ""Well, tough shit, son."""