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Joke of the Day

"1. Find homeless man. 2. Bathe him. 3. Wash & patch up his clothes. 4. Give him a record player. 5. Congratulations, you own a hipster."

"How has Donald Trump managed to bankrupt so many casinos? He hits on anything twelve or higher."

"If today's weather were a fashion line, which would it be? Burrrrberry"

"*aliens land on Thanksgiving* *me showing them around* ""We have a specific bone we break from the carcass to make a wish"" Aliens: Savages"

"I hate it when you hold the door open for people And all they can say is, ""Oh fucking hell, I can see you having a shit!"""

"Hitler and his men are having a meeting. Hitler: We will kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown. Men: Why the clown? Hitler: See! I told you nobody cares about the Jews!"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never paid good money for a lentil on my chest. ( credit to the guy who told this on tv Fri night )"

"My friend tells me he graduated from Europe with a Celsius in Engineering."

"Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time."

"What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-Na-Na-Na!"