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Joke of the Day

"I thought I would have to kill my bitch of a wife, but then she suffocated on saran wrap. I was so Glad."

"Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack."

"*gives up seat on bus for an old lady* *whispers in her ear* ""This isn't over"""

"What Do You Call A Sleep Walking Nun? A Roamin' Catholic."

"Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew."

"Stops rape every time Consent"

"Before the invention of Swiffers, people had to pick up dust with their own moist genitals."

"How often do i make jokes about chemistry? Periodically."

"How do you know when a black woman is pregnant? When you pull out her tampon and all the cotton is picked."

"Did you hear about the 50yo who couldn't deliver a baby? She was having a midwife crisis."