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Joke of the Day

"What does Charlie Sheen call his penis? The HIV shiv."

"What do you call a black and white spotted cow? A moo-latto!!"

"Where does sans live? Sans francisco"

"What did the melon say to the banana when it proposed? Yes! But we cantaloupe."

"If I've given you a card at your birthday party, know I bought it a half-hour ago and signed it on the dashboard of my car 5 minutes ago."

"*wife phones* ""Hi!"" ""Hi! Did you clean the house?"" ""Uhh...YUP!"" ""OK, I'm coming home. Need anything?"" ""Yes, about 2 hours."""

"What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero. The other is a command."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You cry when you cut an onion."

"What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty!"

"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing."