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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Russian man with three testicles? Mr. Whodyounickabollockov"

"What do you do with dead atoms? Barium"

"Dark comedy is... Like water.......not everyone gets it."

"I bet you guys want to hear a joke about my penis. Nevermind, it's pretty long."

"Being sick sucks. I've laid in bed for days, ate nothing, lost 4 pounds, didn't go to work and slept nonstop. Wait. Being sick is AWESOME!"

"[holding an acorn] ""do you still love me?"" Wife yells outside- ""that's not even the same squirrel as yesterday!"" ""Shaddup you!"""

"I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot."

"How do you make the 12th man Happy? FIRE BEVELL"

"Society: ""Just be yourself."" Society: ""No not like that."""

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the fuck he was protecting his eyes from."